Before Then Now by Sunshine

Posted by DMVculture on Feb 3, 2012 in Freedom of Expression | 1 comment

Before Then Now

Before.
You called, I came.
Literally.
Sex.
The one reason you called.
The only reason why we’d spend time.
Money.
I have it.
Spent it.
All on you.
Sneakers. A “re-up”. Whatever.
I got you.
Time.
I gave it.
Never second guessed it.
You’re my boyfriend.
My first boyfriend.
Me.
Happy girlfriend.
Anything to please you.
Why?
Because you loved me.
I loved you.
You were my boyfriend.

Then.
You played games.
Cheated on me.
Wouldn’t admit to it, but I knew.
Women always know.
The rentals.
The video games.
The Jordan’s.
I wasn’t buying it.
You damned sure weren’t.
I know she was.
Maybe they were.
There had to be more than one.
But I stayed.
Happy to have a boyfriend.
Addicted to the dick.
Proud to have SOD.
Sex on demand.
Sex.
Still giving it.
Money.
Still spending it.
Time.
Now wasting it.
Why?
Because I loved you.
You couldn’t love me.
Not much of a boyfriend.

Now.
My ex-boyfriend.
No longer using me.
No sex.
No money.
No time.
Now, you still affect me.
Affect me and my future relationships.
I’m afraid to give sex.
Afraid to spend money.
Afraid to waste time.
Afraid of that exactly.
A waste.
I can’t live like this.
Not letting other people in.
I refuse to let you have this hold on me.
Not everyone is like you.
I’m sure there are plenty much better than you.
I will let my walls down.
I want to be loved.
I want to love.
Now, you’re my motivation.
Motivation to get past my before and then.
All I have is now.

https://twitter.com/XcuseMyCHARISMA

Signed,Sunshine